there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
