new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
