i jhust puked up my retainher.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We talked him into tasing himself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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