It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
