it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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