just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
