all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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