I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
