I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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