I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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