Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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