I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
