Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
