i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
