I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
