Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
