Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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