dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Randomize
