when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
