FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
