My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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