Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
