i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
