I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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