with your own penis?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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