someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
