Christians are straight up FREAKS
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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