Nicole vs. Life
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
