I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
