eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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