nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
