if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
