I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
