whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
