put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
