he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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