Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
