I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
