Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
