I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
