I am puke
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
