woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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