oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
