I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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