That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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