I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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