I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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