If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i've created a new STD.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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