I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
