U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
