College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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