If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
