worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
