dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
