I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
