I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
