i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
