she was so not down for the gang bang
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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