I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
