CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
