Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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