Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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