k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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