I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
