Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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