my mouth tastes like poor choices
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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