u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
