you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
