Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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