Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes