I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum