Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler