I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from