Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.