Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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