a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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