I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
