I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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