Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
