I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your face is a jimmy john
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
