Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
