she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
