seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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