just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize