but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
