Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
